Stupidity Didn't Disappear. It Just Got Wi-Fi.

I was sitting there with my coffee this morning, doing what has become a pretty predictable part of my morning routine: scrolling through my news feeds.

Nope.

Nope.

Definitely not.

Click.

Nope.

Click.

And then I stopped. The headline caught me: “10 Weird Things People Used to Believe in 60 Years Ago.” Come on. That is practically a personal invitation. I was born in 1965, so “60 years ago” means we're talking about the world I grew up in. I was already preparing to find something that would make me say: “Holy shit. I actually believed #7 when I was a kid.” 

Unfortunately, none of them did. What was more interesting was that I remembered most of them. Apparently, I was surrounded by people who believed some pretty strange things. Here was the list:

Some of those sound completely ridiculous now.  But here's the uncomfortable part. Maybe we're not any smarter.

1. Vibrating belts could melt fat away.
2. Seatbelts were totally unnecessary.
3. Milk could make you grow overnight.
4. Sneezing with your eyes open could make your eyeballs pop out.
5. Rock music could hypnotize young minds.
6. Touching toads could give you warts.
7. Swallowing hair could kill you.
8. Smoking was actually healthy.
9. Left-handed people were somehow evil or defective.
10. Tomatoes were deadly poisonous.

APPARENTLY, WE WEREN'T

I started thinking about people I've actually known. My first wife, Faye, once told me about a very good-looking guy named Ian whom she had dated. They had what she thought was a budding connection. 

Then they planned a trip to Pennsylvania for a friend's wedding. They would leave Thursday and return sometime Sunday. They figured out how long the drive should take. Ian insisted they needed to budget at least two hours extra for the return trip.

Faye asked why. It wasn't a holiday weekend. Traffic shouldn't be particularly bad. Ian explained that his parents had taught him — and his friends had apparently confirmed — that driving back to Boston from Pennsylvania took longer because they would be driving “uphill.” Faye told me they were very compatible in bed, so Ian was probably worth keeping around for another month or so. But she knew she'd eventually have to dump him. I can't really blame her. Then there was Renee.

Renee was an actual model working with an established agency. I was 20 years old and probably thought “jackpot” every time we went somewhere together. I cared about her. A lot. One day we were hiking when Renee suddenly told me she thought it was foolish that people believed dinosaurs had ever existed. I wasn't sure where this was going. So, I asked her why. She stopped walking and got serious. Her reasoning was simple. People said dinosaurs lived “BC” —  before Christ. Our Savior. Therefore, dinosaurs couldn't possibly have existed. They were basically Santa Claus. I tried to explain the concept of prehistoric time, but Renee wasn't buying it.

She later told me that neither her teacher nor her parents could actually prove that humans had gone to the moon. Again, I couldn't exactly give up a relationship with an attractive model over something like that. Well... not immediately. Eventually, I carefully broke things off. We stayed friends for a few years. And apparently, Renee wasn't alone. One survey has found that more than 40% of adults believe humans and dinosaurs co-existed. Forty percent. Suddenly I feel a little better about Renee. Although I'm pretty sure none of those 40% were in her circle.

MAYBE WE REALLY HAVEN'T CHANGED THAT MUCH

That got me wondering. If people in the 1960s believed vibrating belts could melt fat and that smoking was good for you, what ridiculous things are perfectly intelligent people believing today? So, I asked Google AI for some examples. It did not disappoint.

1. SWIPING AWAY YOUR APPS SAVES BATTERY LIFE

Reality: On many modern smartphones, constantly force-closing and reopening apps can actually use more energy than simply leaving them alone. So, all those years I've been swiping everything away because I thought I was being efficient... Apparently, I've been working for the battery instead of the other way around.

2. INCOGNITO MODE MAKES YOU INVISIBLE

3. PUTTING A WET PHONE IN RICE WILL SAVE IT

Reality: Incognito or private browsing mainly prevents your browser from storing certain information locally, such as browsing history and cookies. It does not make you invisible to your internet provider, websites, employers, schools, or everyone else who might be monitoring network traffic. So, no. “Incognito” does not mean “I have disappeared from Earth.”

4. HUMANS AND DINOSAURS LIVED TOGETHER

Reality: Rice isn't a magical electronic resurrection device. Apple and Samsung have specifically warned against putting wet phones in rice. Rice can leave particles behind, and it doesn't solve the underlying problem. Apparently, we took the old “put it in rice” advice our grandparents used for everything and decided it should apply to smartphones.

Reality: Non-avian dinosaurs disappeared about 66 million years ago. Modern humans came along vastly later. There is, however, one fantastic technical loophole: Birds are dinosaurs. So, if you want to argue that humans and dinosaurs co-exist today, you can technically make the case while sitting at your kitchen table watching a pigeon steal your French fries. Renee would have hated that sentence.

Reality: More megapixels can provide greater resolution, but they don't automatically make a camera better. Sensor size, lens quality, image processing, lighting, dynamic range and plenty of other factors matter. In other words, buying the camera with the biggest number doesn't necessarily make you a better photographer. Much like buying a bigger television doesn't make you a better movie critic.

5. MORE MEGAPIXELS MEANS A BETTER CAMERA

6. WE ONLY USE 10% OF OUR BRAINS

7. SUGAR MAKES KIDS HYPER

Reality: Nope. Modern neuroscience has shown that the brain is remarkably active across its many regions. We don't have some enormous unused section sitting around waiting for someone to flip the switch. Although, based on some things I've heard from people in Washington lately, I'm willing to admit the theory occasionally makes a compelling argument. Like the current president of these United States. That's my opinion.

Reality: Controlled research, including a major meta-analysis, hasn't found that sugar causes the dramatic behavioral changes parents to have traditionally blamed on it. Which means that birthday party where eight kids ate cake, drank soda and then started bouncing off the walls? Maybe the cake wasn't responsible. Maybe eight children were simply eight children.

9. DETOXES FLUSH TOXINS FROM YOUR BODY

8. CRACKING YOUR KNUCKLES CAUSES ARTHRITIS

Reality: Your body already has a pretty impressive detox system. Your liver, kidneys, lungs and gastrointestinal system are continuously processing and eliminating waste. You don't need a $79 bottle of green liquid with the word DETOX printed on it to convince your liver to do its job. Your liver has been working without marketing assistance for your entire life.

Reality: The evidence doesn't support that old warning. Studies have found no meaningful increase in hand arthritis among habitual knuckle crackers compared with people who don't crack their knuckles. So, Mom...Sorry.

10. GOLDFISH HAVE THREE-SECOND MEMORIES

Reality: Goldfish can learn. They can remember tasks, distinguish colors and shapes, learn routes and associate actions with rewards. Studies have demonstrated memory far longer than three seconds. Some research has even shown memory lasting weeks or longer. So somewhere out there is a goldfish that can remember something I did yesterday. Wish I could do that.

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...

Here's what I find funny about all of this. Sixty years ago, people believed some pretty strange things. We laugh at them now. But then we invented smartphones, unlimited access to information and a device that can answer practically any question in seconds... and immediately started believing new ridiculous things.

• Maybe gullibility isn't a technology problem.
• Maybe it isn't an education problem.
• Maybe it's just a human problem.

We didn't stop believing nonsense. We just got better technology with which to spread it. And that's probably why somewhere around 2076, some guy my age will be sitting in his flying retirement home, looking back at 2026 and saying:

 “Can you believe those idiots actually believed that?” 

And his grandson will probably answer: “Grandpa, they put wet phones in rice. ”And somewhere, Renee will finally feel vindicated.

Gullible was gullible then, and gullible is gullible now.

Stupidity didn't disappear when we invented the internet.

It just got Wi-Fi.

And God help them if they ever find my Google search history.