Are there memories in your life that make you smile—and sometimes laugh—long after the moment has passed? They aren't necessarily what I call "Life Pins." Life Pins are those moments, events, or periods you can quickly access years later because they were formative. They influenced who you are now. They were moments you understood, at least to some degree, even while they were happening.
No. Today I'm remembering something much smaller. A little memory that made me smile after a long, hard week. It involved a very small event that revealed a surprisingly large chain of events afterward. And for purposes of this story, allow me to introduce you to Emily. About ten years ago, I lived in central Massachusetts in a condominium village. We had a large common area where we'd often gather around a fire to drink, laugh, and catch up. Big surprise: The theme of this site I keep describing as a "digital campfire" is actually based on a real campfire.
In the center of the complex were all the individual mailboxes. I'd been away for a week, and on this late-February, cold Massachusetts morning, I went out to retrieve my accumulated mail. Mission accomplished, I turned to head back inside. Then I stopped.
There, on her hands and knees, was my nine-year-old neighbor Emily. She was furiously attacking a sheet of ice with a little blue beach shovel and accompanying pail. She didn't even notice me approaching. She was completely focused on whatever mission she had assigned herself. "Emily?" I said, startling her slightly. "What's going on? What are you up to? It's super chilly out here!"
Emily looked up, shielding her eyes from the brightening sun."Oh...hi, Fred!" She stood, came closer, then turned around and pointed toward the ice. "I am digging for worms! I'm going ice fishing with my father tomorrow. He's coming to get me. I thought I should find some bait to bring."
Now, for some perspective. Emily's parents, Eric and Rachel, had apparently become parents at very young ages. Their relationship had fallen apart, and things were difficult all around. Rachel's mother helped with rent when she could, but I knew money was tight. Rachel worked two jobs—a chambermaid at a hotel and a barista on weekends. Friends and family helped watch Emily while she worked. Eric was a good guy, but he was also struggling with his own demons. He didn't seem particularly interested in working if it interfered with drinking, drugs, and his obsession with becoming an Eminem doppelgänger without the talent.
Okay, that's harsh. But also true. Worse, I knew that at least twice Eric had promised Emily a father-daughter day and simply hadn't shown up. No communication. Nothing. I didn't judge him for it. Well... I tried not to. But back to Emily's frozen worm quest. I smiled and told her I was impressed by her dedication and focus. Then I explained that it was probably going to be impossible to unearth a worm from frozen ground. I was going to offer Rachel a few dollars so they could buy some worms somewhere. But I knew Rachel's pride. She'd never take it. To my surprise, Emily simply waved her little shovel at me. "I'll find a worm. Maybe two, Fred."
I asked if I could help. "No." She thanked me anyway. I told her she could come back out later in the day, even at night. Growing up in the country, I knew worms liked to come out after dark. You can see where I was going with this. I just wanted the kid inside and warm. Again came the shovel wave. "Thanks. I'm all set."
Conversation over. I had officially been dismissed. Emily returned to her excavation. I turned and started walking away. Then I stopped.I turned back. "Emily, if I'm wrong and you actually find a worm, cut it in half if you have enough for fishing. I swear I'll swallow the other half because I lost the bet." Emily laughed. Deal. Confident that a worm would not be part of my breakfast, I headed back toward my condo.
That's when Rachel came outside to gather her daughter. We stood there talking for a while, catching up. Rachel thanked me for sitting with Emily and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with her when Eric hadn't shown up to take her to the zoo. I remember saying, "Seriously? My pleasure, Rachel. Who doesn't love PB&Js, and Emily's take on the world."
I didn't defend him. I didn't attack him, either. I simply gave the world's most useless diplomatic response: "Things happen, I guess." Rachel rolled her eyes." They happen with him too much." She still loved Eric. But she was exhausted by his unreliability. So I did something that's difficult for me. I shut up. I listened. I listened to her talk about Eric, about Emily, about working, money, parenting, and the general difficulty of trying to hold a life together when you're already tired.
Then our conversation was abruptly interrupted. What I can only describe as a shrill, piercing victorious battle cry from a tiny warrior claiming absolute victory.
"I FOUND A WORM!"
Emily was doing a little hop-up-and-down victory dance. Rachel and I immediately went over to inspect the discovery. At first, I thought she'd found a frozen twig. Man... I was wrong. Emily picked up the worm and raised it triumphantly above her head. "LOOK AT THAT, FRED!" She didn't actually say it, but I understood exactly what that nine-year-old face was telling me. "'EAT IT'. I WIN". And, apparently, prepare yourself for your culinary special.
The whole thing reminded me of Simba's triumphant presentation in The Lion King. I'd watched probably a hundred hours of Disney movies with my own kids when they were young. Emily had basically recreated the scene.Same level of celebration. Much smaller lion. Much worse breakfast. This was the key moment. Emily's back was toward me as she proudly displayed her worm to her mother. Then she spun around.
"Fred, you don't have to eat it. I get it." She paused. "I have learned that a lot of times people disappoint you. They won't come through. It's what a lot of people do." I looked at Rachel. Her eyes had started to tear up. I was already committed. Sure, I thought: Fuck. I'm going to eat a worm. Thankfully, it was frozen. Maybe dead. I'd once eaten something weird after soaking it in tequila, so I figured this was basically the same thing. I'd have a shot afterward. I held out my palm. I looked that cold little girl straight in the eyes. She had a huge smile, with those tiny gaps between her baby teeth and the adult teeth still coming in.
"The HELL I won't eat that thing." I grinned. "Hand it over!!"
She laughed and did another little victory dance. Then she placed the worm squarely in my palm. I bounced it up and down a little.For some reason, I suddenly thought about Angelina Jolie. Not because I had any intention of becoming Angelina Jolie. But because I'd read about her eating insects and spiders with indigenous people during humanitarian work abroad, sometimes doing it with her children. Noble cause.
So was this. Even if mine involved a nine-year-old girl, a frozen worm, and a stupid bet. Here goes.
You know what? I didn't even taste it. I guess I don't have much of a gag reflex. Down it went. Hands in the air. Rachel and Emily cheered. Emily immediately announced: "FRED! I FOUND TWO WORMS!" I declined. That had not been part of our deal. Besides, she needed the other worm for fishing with her father. He'd be proud of her. Rachel told Emily to put on something dry and her "good" coat. They had errands to run.
Happy, waving, and swinging her little blue pail back and forth, Emily disappeared inside. I turned to Rachel. Then I apologized. I'd been assuming Eric would show up. There was no way to know what would happen. But Eric and I had a connection, too. We were friends. I told Rachel I wasn't going to give him a lecture. I just wanted to talk to him. Father to father. Even though my own kids were no longer little kids. I wanted to tell him about the worm digging. About the cold February morning. About the fact that his daughter had been out there working her ass off to make their fishing trip happen. I got his number and called. Eric agreed to talk. And before I could say much, he said something that surprised me. He knew he had to do better.
The next day, he showed up an hour early so Emily wouldn't have to sit around waiting for him. From all reports, they had a fantastic time. They caught no fish. But they had a great day. And maybe that's the point.
Sometimes you don't have to be the person at the center of somebody else's life to make a difference in it. Sometimes you just have to notice. You see a kid digging through frozen ground for something she desperately wants to accomplish. You sit down.You listen. You make a stupid bet. And when the kid wins, you keep your word. Even if keeping your word means eating a worm. Especially then. Because life is full of people who disappoint us. But every once in a while, somebody shows up. And sometimes, you can help make sure they do.
So yeah. Be ready to step in when you can. Listen when somebody needs to be heard. Help the people you care about move forward. And always be careful what you bet a nine-year-old. They have absolutely no mercy. In the greatest ways.